Beautiful, intelligent, outgoing, quirky, sensitive, witty, magnetic, creative, loving, compassionate, intuitive…
Not all that long ago these words did not exist in my self description vocabulary. My eating disorder did not allow such words. For the past 15+ years, my life was strung together with exhausting efforts to achieve an unrealistic ideal of perfection…twisted perfection. ED ruled my mind with numbers, scales, sizes and calories. I thought that was just how I was destined to live until one day a friend came along, took my hand and guided me to the help I so desperately needed.
It took me months to say, much less admit, the words EATING DISORDER. Not me…it was not possible. I was the picture perfect southern girl: handsome husband, beautiful family, great career, busy social life. And while all of my blessings were so very real, sadly, I was never able to live my life in the present. I was never 100% present in my own life. I was lost in the fog and haze of my eating disorder, slowly killing myself which each passing day.
An eating disorder strips its victim of everything beautiful and positive. It turns the world dark and blurry. It took me hitting (below) rock bottom to realize the severity of my illness. With the help, love and support of my family, friends and therapist at home, I discovered the courage to admit myself into treatment.
On December 14, 2010, I entered the doors of the Carolina House treatment facility, an incredible place that would ultimately give me my life back. The extraordinary team there gave me the tools and skills I needed to live my life free from my disorder’s dark grasp. I spent 81 days healing the wounds of my past and redefining and rediscovering who I was. I am proof that there is hope and that recovery is possible. But recovery is a choice. It takes work and you have to want recovery more than you’ve ever wanted anything in your life.
Loving Imperfection is a blog about my story and my journey to what is now my beautiful and amazing life in recovery. This blog is a testament to the power of positivity and self-love, both of which are a daily choice.
I am no longer ashamed of my disorder or where I have been. I am proud of my story and how far I have come. I am beyond grateful for all of the angels who have guided, and often carried me when I was too weak to continue on my journey.
I have finally rediscovered who I am and reignited an intense passion for my life. Recovery has taught me the power of friendship, the power of opening up and pouring your heart and soul into life…putting yourself out there for all to see and not being afraid to shine.
Loving Imperfection is a tribute to all of those who have helped guide me on my journey…