To My Darling Daughter On Your First Birthday

To my darling daughter,

One year ago, my world came crashing down and you came kicking in. Small, but mighty, you proved that size means nothing. Born into this world at 2:08pm, the nurse quickly held up your tiny 1-pound, 15-ounce body and took you away. I didn’t get to hold you or nuzzle you or even have time to see if you looked like me or your daddy.

All I could do was lay, paralyzed on the table, your daddy’s arms around me. With tears streaming down my face, I whispered, “God, please let her be okay. Please don’t take my baby girl.”

Too weak from surgery, I would not see you again until the following day. I would not hold you for another two days. My heart was shattered.

In the scary beginning we held our breaths. Minute by minute, day by day, you shed the vent, tubes and wires that kept you alive. My body weak and exhausted, shaken with fear. I did my best to hold the faith, but all I wanted was you back safe in my belly.

For over two months, most of our contact was through your plexiglass home. I would lay my hand on the warm glass, quietly peering in just to lay eyes on you, my darling baby girl.

The only place I felt safe and calm was at your bedside. Blanket draped over your incubator, keeping light and the world out. Sitting for hours on end at your bedside, my ears became numb to the dings and alarms. You were my focus, my world.

You rarely opened your eyes, but you knew I was there. You could feel me, smell me. You knew your momma was by your side, never leaving. You knew your daddy’s loud voice and when you opened your eyes saw pictures of your big brother taped throughout your tiny incubator.

My darling girl, you were so small, but so very mighty. You captured our hearts and the heart of every doctor and nurse that saw you. I shared your story every day – the joy, the sorrow, the milestones and the setbacks. The world rejoiced, prayed and cried with me. You have inspired many and proved that God answers our prayers.

You are so precious my sweet Marjorie. One day you will come to know that a mother’s love is never ending and our bond unbreakable. It was not until you and your brother came along, that I realized this love, a love so deep it hurts.

As I reflect back on the gravity of this day, my heart stirs with a storm of emotions. I honor the grief and soak in the joy and pride. In your short one year, you have endured more than many have in a lifetime.

There is no doubt God has big plans for you and I feel honored God picked me to be your mother.

My wish for you on your first birthday is that you always and forever know how loved you are, that no matter where your road takes you, we will walk beside you, carrying you when you are weak and always ready with open arms welcome you home.

You will fall and get hurt, but you will get up. I promise to always be by your side, sitting with you in the sadness and rejoicing in all that you conquer. You make me the proudest mother on the planet just by being you.

Life is a hard road, filled with ups and downs, my dear. But if you take the valleys in stride, find gratitude in the dark and never give up, the peaks are filled with vibrant color, joy and of course, miracles.

The world is your oyster, my darling baby girl, and I can’t wait to watch you take it by storm. You don’t have to be a fairy princess or even like pink. You just have to be you. I promise to give you the freedom to discover and the encouragement to try. Always remember no matter where you go, there I will be.

Here is to a lifetime of miracles, my precious Marjorie. You are forever and always my sunshine.

Momma

 

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