I’m at a loss. I want to write. I want to blog. But I have this fear that since my secret blog was ‘outed,’ nothing I write now will be good enough. I started this blog to simply write when I felt compelled…not to compel myself to write. I certainly feel the urge to write, but my inner critic keeps deleting every word I type. The voice says, “That is silly,” “That makes no sense,” “People will laugh at this,” “You’re a horrible writer.” This seems to be the story of my life: me, wanting to do something, but my inner critic stops me because nothing is ever good enough, I will not be good enough. So maybe I just do another Not a Perfect Post…maybe this is my way of once again ripping off the Perfection Band-Aid.
Reminding myself that I do not have to be perfect and silencing my inner critic is and will always be my ongoing work. Eating Disorder or not, I think so many of us struggle with the cruel ideals of perfection. Perfection with body, with work, with family, with organization…you name it. The inner critic creeps in to every aspect of my life, but thankfully for recovery, I now have the wherewithal to notice it and have developed various skills to combat this silent bully.
So can I muster the courage to post something so mundane, a blog lacking any major revelations or life lessons? I have to. The purpose of this post is to continue to teach me that my writing does not have to be perfect. I don’t have to be perfect. So now I have to click “Publish” on this seemingly pointless post…I think I can…I think I can